Week 5

We went to a Catholic church service yesterday that ended up being about a 2.5 hour service. It was a lot like a US Catholic church but with better music (!). Not to mention that a couple got married while we were there. I had no idea who they were but it brought me as close to tears as I get even when it's someone I know. Beautiful. The bride walked down the aisle in somewhat the same manner as they do at home but with a lot more rhythm. It was more like a subtle dance. We ended up sandwiched between the bridal parties family members. As an offering during the service a couple of people brought up giant bags of rice. After the service we walked out and there were many people out begging. They had very obvious physical problems that no doubt keep them from working. (Everything here done for work, for the most part, is very physical. These folks work very hard for the little food that they get.) I felt like I was walking around in the gospel where the beggars that were disabled sat outside of the church. It's exactly what it was.

Walking into town is usually something I have to be ready for. People usually drive by honking and the street vendors are always following us speaking in French/Fon trying to sell us things. The kids yell "yovo" at us which means "white person" and they just laugh and smile. The ones that aren't too scared of us like to come touch our hands and skin. Tons of zimidjans (motorcycles/scooters that they mostly use for transport) are everywhere. These drivers have no shame either. You really have to be paying attention to what you're doing and what's going on around you because they don't usually stop or slow down for anything/anyone. We walked into town on Friday after work to get some awesome mango and papaya for the weekend (the weekend lunch here is nothing to write home about) and I was confirmed with the fact that I am not good at the shopping system here. You negotiate prices and well, basically, I'm a pushover. I'd almost take the first price just to not go through the trouble except that the prices that some start at are ridiculously high. We ended up getting some decent deals and fruit out of the experience though.

Over the weekend we had a couple of plastic surgeons come in. An extra one had come which opened up more surgery slots so I helped in screening today. We unexpectedly didn't have many people show up and some of them aren't able to be operated on because what they need done would have to be by someone who does an entirely different type of surgery. It was such a blessing today to be there seeing the process of how things are done and what the people go through just to try to get help here. How they travel from far places and wait eating the lunch they packed. How they wrap their babies up so they ride kind of piggyback. How they are excited and almost don't believe that they are handed a little green card that represents that they will get to come back to the ship within the next few weeks to have an operation. I'm so grateful that I was allowed today to get to meet them and talk to them so that in the next few weeks while I'm working with these doctors these patients will be much more to me than a face. I got to see the life in them today.

On a different note. Just when you think there's no possible way to learn anymore at a single time it just keeps going. I feel like the things I am being taught just keep going exponentially to the depth of the roots of the matters. The real roots. It's amazing how at a certain point in life you can fall into a lie about the nature of who God is and then years later it just becomes a part of who you are. You forget that it was a point in time that you believed that you had to make something up to Him (as if there was something you could do to make up for anything) and your decisions become based on it. The thing is, Christ died for our sins as forgiveness. He doesn't just kind of forgive but actually forgives. The kind of forgiveness that we don't really know how to understand or accept and it has already been done for us. His nature is nothing like ours. I think we can sometimes think we know that He has forgiven us but don't entirely experience the freedom that forgiveness brings. Experiencing that freedom is the best feeling. It's not that I have finally done enough good deeds for everything to be written off but that I have had it the whole time without really really believing it.

But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up with Him, and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness towards us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. Ephesians 2.4-10

Week 4

It seems like expectations is the word of the trip so far. God has been teaching me so much about this. What I expect from people, what they expect from me or better said what I think they expect from me. What is it all based on?

I came with great expectation for the experience here and what I would be doing and when it wasn't what I thought it really threw me off. It has me thinking though. How much of my life and the decisions I make are based off of my expectations for myself and what others expect from me? What if I have always assumed something in my life and then realize that I let fear of taking the road less travelled and all the unexpected that is found there keep me in the place that I think keeps the level of security high and calculated risks to a minimum.

I have found, even in just being here for a month, some of the difficulties of stepping outside of the box. Even bigger than that though I have been so blessed and am learning so much about myself and others and life in general. I'm learning a new depth of trust in Christ alone that even when everything else doesn't make sense, He is solid ground and everything else is sinking sand.

In other news, I got to celebrate my birthday in Africa! It actually ended up being over Thursday and Friday. Because Friday was a ship holiday and we didn't work, they sang happy birthday to me on Thursday morning and one of my coworkers made me a birthday cake. Everyone (people from the US, UK, Australia, New Zealand, China, Germany, South Korea!) signed a bona fide African card and had one of our translators to write happy birthday on the front in Fon. On Friday morning the same coworker that made the cake rang the bell in the dining room which cues everyone to sing happy birthday. Pretty embarrassing since I had literally just rolled out of bed but it was still funny. We then went to tour a local hospital and clinic. The day was finished off with one of the gurkhas singing happy birthday to me in Indian. Not to mention I got a call from some of the evening crew from home singing happy birthday. It was such an international birthday! Just beautiful.

On Tuesday we had 5 boxes of random instruments shipped to us and it was my job to help sort through them. The fun part was that there was bubble wrap in the boxes. We took it to the wards to introduce it to the kids there and they loved it! It was so neat teaching them how to pop the little bubbles and then showing them how to lay it on the ground to walk or jump on it. There is a little girl there who people have been trying to get to smile for awhile and I'm pleased to announce that the bubble wrap got her to budge a grin for us.

Week 3

So it's an amazing thing how this week has made it's very own little turn around. When I first arrived in Benin I was hoping for big things to happen. I was met with the unexpected surprise of trials that were so out of left field for me. I felt like I knew it was going to be tough coming here, but it started off way harder than I could have imagined.

This week I have really felt like the overwhelming feeling of being clueless about how to be a "missionary" has been working its way into a transformation of finding a new depth to Christ and reliance on Him. Every day here has felt like such a new day. I can't get out of bed without asking for grace. At home it's very easy to go on autopilot because I have a pretty general routine of things to do. I know the people I'm working with and kind of what's going on in their lives, and they know me.

God has turned my inward focus back out. I haven't felt like I was capable of serving others because I was so wrapped up in all the emotion of coming to a new place and everything that came along with it. Today was officially a new day though. It felt different like my spirit had life breathed back into it. I didn't take the day-by-day approach but more like the minute-by-minute approach looking for Christ to show up in every situation. He most certainly has. I think where I am supposed to be is not fitting in like I thought I wanted/should (rare bird, Katherine?). It's pretty liberating actually.

I spent some time on the ward today after the church service painting everyone's fingernails and toenails. Before I came I had asked someone what I should bring and one thing they said was nail polish. I looked for the brightest colors I could find which were a very hot pink and a shimmery orange. They seemed to enjoy it. It was so nice spending time with them even though I was unable to communicate with them. I felt like this was a good ice breaker for me feeling comfortable just being there. I'm going to try to start spending more time with them and break out the fun stuff some of you sent with me to play with the kids that are here.

I guess I don't know too much else to say for now. Things are definitely falling into place. Christ is faithful no doubt. As far as prayer goes, I have been working with 2 ladies for the past 3 weeks who are leaving Friday. They both have a lot of heartache and I would really love for them to know how God really loves them. Also that I can continue to get out of my comfort zone and really start spending time with the ladies and their children, which are the patients, staying just down the hall from me.

So let us know, let us press on to know the Lord. His going forth is as certain as the dawn; And He will come to us like the rain, like the spring rain watering the earth.

Hosea 6.3

Week 2

So this week has gone a little better. We weren't too busy at work because a couple of the surgeons have left for a little bit. I find that being at work feels like a little bit of home to me. Even though I'm working with new people from all over the world, surgery is still surgery and it's something familiar to me. This is nice because everything else is very unfamiliar.

I still know that this is where I'm supposed to be right now but I don't entirely know why yet. It has been harder than I thought it would be for me to make friends. I appreciate everyone at home so much more now and realize the beauty of many of the relationships I have with people from home. Christ has done a lot in all of those relationships in the past couple of years and I miss and love you all so much.

I don't want you guys to think that I am not ok. Don't get me wrong, this is very hard, but I have confidence in the Lord that He knows way better than I do what is best for me and what things I need to learn. I have peace knowing that I am in His will. All of your prayers have helped so much too. I really need that to stand firm and keep my faith in Him alone.

I could definitely use prayer in finding where I fit in here. The community here is different than I thought it would be. A lady summed it up pretty well last night in, "You come expecting one thing, but it seems like the focus here is more on community and socializing than it is on the hospital." This is a disappointment to me because I had expected to see more passion for helping people see Christ. I have made an attempt to have meaningful conversations with different people, but I have only found it going anywhere with a few people. These few all have either left already or will be gone by Wednesday. This makes it hard, but so far God has really provided someone for me to talk to when I really needed it. I pray and trust that He will continue to provide for me. It's been weird because I am pretty comfortable with who I am at home, but it has been hard here trying to find that comfort.

I also am still seeking how God wants me to use my time here. I don't want to get home and have missed the whole point of me being here.

Week 1

Bonjour from Benin!

I have finished my first week of work on the ship and am enjoying my first real weekend on the ship because I am on call today and tomorrow the ship is sailing just across the port to refuel. It has been a tough week spiritually and emotionally trying to deal with the change of living on a ship in a third world country and not having anyone I can really talk to about what is going on. Today I was able to enjoy some reading and time on the deck with some of the patients.

This week the Lord has really been breaking me down to reevaluate the reason He intended for me to be here. I can see now how it could have quickly turned into a trip that was about me and not me being purposeful with the time I spend here. I was glad that Christ showed me that that was the reason for the pain I had been experiencing all week. I knew this trip would be tough but there has been so much that He has shown me that is hard stuff to learn but necessary for me to grow deeper in Him.

Experiencing the third world is very different from what I know. When people at home said that there really isn't poverty in the States like there is in the third world, I believed them but experiencing it makes it real. There is a world here that is so different than at home that is their life here. They are people like we are that do things somewhat differently but the fact that they are moms, dads, brothers, sisters, and friends is a common denominator that makes us relatable on a universal level. They are people looking for the same thing that everyone else is looking for. To be loved.

Please pray for me to share the Gospel with courage to the people here whether it is people of Benin or the people I am working with and to stand firm in the trials that get me to that point. I am so blessed to know that you guys are praying for me back at home.

I love you all and miss you. I'd love for you to keep me up to date with what is going on with you as well.

Confessions of a "missionary"

Some call this missionary work. I don't know about that.

Define Missionary. Who are they? What do they look like? Where are they?

Why isn't everyone that is in Christ, really in Christ, called a missionary?

I feel that I may have been put on a pedestal with coming to Africa, but how does that make me any more extraordinary than anyone else? I am in Africa because this is where the road has lead me. If you would have told me a year ago I would be here there is no way I would believe you. My expectations on what this would be like has turned out to be wrong. Not entirely bad wrong but very different. And it is really ok. I know that I am supposed to be here. We have to go through rough stuff to get to the good.

The thing is: Life here feels a lot like it does at home (I live on an air-conditioned ship with wireless internet so there's not too much of everyday African living that I get to experience). I am the same person. I still have the same struggles trying to find my purpose here. No superhuman powers turned me into an extraordinary person when I stepped off the plane. I walked off of the plane in faith that this is where Christ has brought me.

What about the people that walk into work every day with the same amount of faith as it took for me to get off the plane and go through customs in a new land? What about the people that spend their free time with foster children and volunteering in health clinics and teaching children how to read? Being nice to someone that probably doesn't deserve it in our eyes? Waiting another 30 seconds to hold the door open for someone when they could have easily acted like they didn't see them behind them? Showing a refugee that has come to a safe place from their war torn country how to find a job, open a checking account, go to the doctor, buy groceries and get around town?

These are missionaries, too.

Ward church service

This morning I woke up with one thing on my agenda: church service on the ward. I've been so tired from the time change and overwhelming feeling of change that I didn't know what to expect or what would be expected of me. We made our way to the ward just down the hall and on the same deck that I stay where there were maybe 10 patients and more volunteers. The drums and clapping started along with the singing to This Is the Day the Lord Has Made except I didn't realize it for a minute because it was in Fon as far as I could tell.

There was a particular patient that brought me pretty close to tears. She was singing so joyfully. I met her in the hall the night before when she was walking up and down the hall. We may not have walked down the hall towards her direction, which was the opposite ways of the rooms, if it hadn't been for her son who was running down the hall screaming at the top of his lungs while throwing his arms in the air. He ran straight to me. He couldn't understand what we were saying and his mom was just smiling and laughing. We walked along with her and would chase him down the hall to retrieve him. I ran back with him stopping only to swing his legs between mine. I was able to use the extra bit of French I learned on the plane from my seat mate when he was discussing the Jamaican runner in the newspaper he was reading: tres rapide. I said this to the mom and she just smiled and laughed.

At church I was watching her rejoice while the nurse next to me held her son as he clapped to the music. He soon fell asleep even with all the commotion going on. It was a beautiful experience.