Simply Sunday-Alpha

'Tis a new beginning here in my humble abode.  God has been teaching me a lot about love.  Loving others, loving myself.

It can take a lot of effort to step outside of yourself and love others.  It's usually easier sitting on the sidelines watching life happen.  People's lives happening without participating or really showing them that you care.  To demonstrate God given love for someone will take you to a deeper intimacy with Christ that you could never have imagined.  To deny that He has asked of us to love each other, friend or not, is withholding God's grace and mercy from them that He pours out on us every ounce of our life.  

Don't get me wrong.  This can be the really hard part, however, God's grace is sufficient when I realize that there is no way possible for me to love this person or that person.  Seemingly impossible, He has changed my heart about them.  If only we could see them as He does.  To step back and view the world from His eyes you see a world full of hurt, broken, lost people that are looking for something.  Turns out that thing is the love of Christ.  We don't think we deserve it.  It doesn't make sense most of the time, but what if we all loved like He did?  

Celebration of Life Day

It's somewhat belated, but January 17 has officially been declared the First Annual Celebration of Life Day by the Hein family and myself.  For those that don't know the story:

Last January I flew out to Albuquerque, NM to see Josie, one of my absolute favorite people in this world (she gets me).  She had been telling me about Sandia Mountain which you could hike about 10 miles to get to the top and rise in elevation of almost 4,000 feet, which sounded like a great idea!  The ultimate Pinnacle Mountain, of course we should do it!

Josie and I wake up and make pancakes, which we started to call griddle cakes, for breakfast and drink a Vitamin C drink for "strength and endurance."  We had a couple of griddle cakes left over that we packed with us along with trail mix and as much water as we could reasonably carry.  Then layered on the most layers I have ever worn at a single time.  I think I had five shirts on and flannel pants underneath ski pants and David's socks from winter survival training (just think COLD).  

Off we go.

We arrive at the parking lot for the tram station.  Our plan is to hike to the trail that takes you up the mountain, hike up the mountain and across the ridge to take the tram back down.  As we pull into the parking lot we stop at one of those booth things that people sit in and talked to the guy for a second.  He warns us that the mountain can be tough in the winter and that an older guy fell off the mountain a couple of weeks ago and was injured pretty badly.  We asked what should we do if we get into trouble up there.  His response, "Our father who art in heaven..."  Wow. That's intense, but we're young.  We can do this, and besides, David will be meeting up with us in a little bit.

This is when we start joking around about how we'll have to be rescued off the top of the mountain by a helicopter because this is what we do.  We joke around about serious matters.  We're not dramatic at all!

At noonish, the hike starts out, and we're doing well.  It was uneventful at first except the fact that I had dropped my scarf that Andrea just bought me from NY.  After backtracking to find it we were officially on our way to conquer this mountain.  Josie gets concerned about my physical capabilities, but we get into a groove.  We notice these interesting footprints on the way up.  Very peculiar, jagged triangular footprints.  The whole time we're trying to figure them out.

At some time around three or so David, the machine, meets up with us.  The whole way up there are patches of ice and snow, but we don't think too much about it.  We finally hit a point of definite snow and ice everywhere and there's a sign:  Trail may be impassable during winter months.  We considered it and then continued on.  We weren't too far from the top for 

what it's worth.  The trail turns into a foot wide series of snowy switchbacks with drop offs that would have paralyzed me in place (I'm terribly scared of heights) if I didn't feel the sense of urgency that the sunset was insisting on us completing the hike before it was completely dark.  Meanwhile, while we are making our way hastily up the trail, our water quickly begins to freeze in the bottles and camelback.  We hadn't had anything to eat since breakfast besides our leftover griddle cakes.  So here we are:  the sun is setting quickly, we're losing energy because we haven't really eaten anything to keep up with this activity, our water is freezing, we have to carefully take steps because the snow is so deep if you don't step in each others tracks you will fall (which I demonstrated several times)...hopefully not in the wrong direction (i.e. off the mountain), I'm starting to get altitude sick and it's really really cold.

At about 6:30 p.m. we finally reach the top of the trail.  Hooray!  We made it.  Only 1.1 miles to go and the sun has almost 

completely set.  David feels like we can make it in about 30 minutes.  Sure, let's do it.  We soon realize, after the sun has completely set, that we may be in for a little bit more than we bargained for.  The only light we had was the moon, the city of ABQ and two headlights between the three of us.  The trail across the ridge of the mountain had been completely covered in snow, so basically there was no trail.  We had to traverse the whole way around the mountain around boulders that protruded out making the trail minimal at best.  We put blind faith into any roots we could find to hold onto and packed holes in the snow with our hands and feet because there was usually no other place to put them.  Every corner we turned around the mountain we were hoping to see light from the tram station.  The only thing I could really speak was "Are you kidding me?" when we'd come around another corner and we still couldn't see it.  We even stopped at one point to try to call someone to let them know that we were up there and to be expecting us.  

We could see the city of ABQ, but it was surreal knowing that we were in trouble up there and everyone was carrying about how we do in life.  I've never felt so completely physically and emotionally drained and helpless.  I thought we were going to either die or get seriously injured that night.  All I could think about was my family and how they would think it was so stupid of me to go up there.  I just kept praying that if something did happen I just didn't want to be in pain.  This sounds dramatic, but it was a reality at the time.  

At some point it was like the tram station came out of nowhere.  We saw people walking

 around and eating dinner.  Oblivious to what we just experienced.  I believe I was mad at them for not helping us, but they didn't know.  It was just a weird state to know that I was just so thankful to be alive, and I wanted someone else to care.  It had taken us an hour and a half to make it across the top of the mountain.  As it turns out, it's suggested that you not hike on top of the mountain during the winter (the footprints were from some sort of ice shoe or crampon).  Good thing we drank the Vitamin C for breakfast!

So, here we are.  One year after the hike-of-almost-death and life is beautiful.  

Josie, I still can't believe that happened!  I remember we really didn't know what to do with ourselves but laugh because we're Sandia Survivors!  And that pizza we got afterwards was probably the most satisfying meal in my life.  Also, I think if I'm going to experience 2 degree weather ever again, then it needs to be under safer circumstances!  I love you Jo-sizzle and I miss you every day...

Desiring more than the status quo

"Are you satisfied with your relationship with Christ?"

This is what Reggie asked me one day when we were getting ready for a case.  I thought about it for a second.  Am I?  

I had to answer it with my explanation because the question wasn't "Does Christ satisfy you?" which you could initially think that it was implying.

No.  I'm not satisfied with my relationship with Christ.  Christ is fulfilling in every sense and beyond what I can even wildly dream that He is, but I always fall short.  I always want to know more about Him.  His ways.  His heart.  His plan.  I want to have a deeper understanding of some of the whys that don't make sense and will never be found without Him.

He can be so much more if we take our limits and ideas of what is supposed to be off of Him.

Resolution. Shmesolution.

I was kind of feeling like blowing off the whole resolution thing.  Until today.  Not that I try to resolve anything with real intention any other year, but I thought I might not even act like I was going to try to do something this time.  Who am I kidding anyways?

This changed during my second run through of Paris, je t'aime this afternoon.  Why does a resolution have to be about smoking or losing weight all the time?  Here's what I've decided so far that I would like to be more aware of:

1.  Seek Him.  This is really my main resolution.  Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Matthew 6.33  

2.  How I spend my time.  There are things that I've always wanted to do, but seem to believe that I don't have the time.  Not the case.  I was working on learning French today by watching a French movie while I was finishing up sewing my new surgery cap (Take that Blue Sky.  You won't be getting $24 out of me!).  I had a little revelation while trying to listen for familiar words in this foreign language.  I can do these things that I have wanted if I just put the energy into doing it.  Stating the obvious, but really.  I always wanted to learn to play the piano.  I started last year this time, and I have started to get better already.  With practice.  My problem is that I forget that it takes work to do something.  It's just seeing that the outcome is worth the work and that the work isn't really work at all if you enjoy it.  I don't want to wait for the "what-ifs" of the future to happen.  This life is happening right now, and I really want to enjoy it.

3.  Read the Bible straight through.  Honestly, I haven't made it through the whole Old Testament.  Ever.  But I want to!  I started last year and just made it not even through Exodus.  Lame I know, but I have apparent commitment issues.

4.  Study the Bible and be more prayerful and purposeful about it.  When I'm in the down slump of just being and not feeling God so much, I have a hard time making it a point to read the Bible and pray.  I don't have an excuse, but I'd like to be better about it only because deep down I know that's what keeps bringing me back to Him.

5.  Start working on some of the things I've wanted to do.  For instance, learning French.  This is recent because of the trip to Benin.  I think it would be great to talk with locals in their native language (because I have some idea that I will be teaching them proper French grammar because I'll be so good! Ha..not really).  Even just to communicate somewhat would be awesome.  To ask about their families and their lives.  Also, I want to try to figure out how to make a quilt.  Google is oh, so helpful.

6.  Live in the present.  I often find that I find myself hanging on to the past or setting my future in stone.  It's not bad to look back, but for me to linger there isn't healthy.  I'm not as bad about that as I am planning my future.  I'm already trying to figure out what I'll be doing when I get back from Africa!  I'm almost tempted to list the four options that I told Megan about the other day just so I can have it to laugh about when I get back and God has me doing something entirely different.  Let's do it:  a. come back to work at St. Vincent  b. start travel nursing  c. alternate travel nursing and working in Africa d. get ready to go back to Africa long-term.  I plan all this out like I have some sort of control over it.  Not to mention that it's an entire year away!

Let's see how productive this can be!