Confessions of a "missionary"

Some call this missionary work. I don't know about that.

Define Missionary. Who are they? What do they look like? Where are they?

Why isn't everyone that is in Christ, really in Christ, called a missionary?

I feel that I may have been put on a pedestal with coming to Africa, but how does that make me any more extraordinary than anyone else? I am in Africa because this is where the road has lead me. If you would have told me a year ago I would be here there is no way I would believe you. My expectations on what this would be like has turned out to be wrong. Not entirely bad wrong but very different. And it is really ok. I know that I am supposed to be here. We have to go through rough stuff to get to the good.

The thing is: Life here feels a lot like it does at home (I live on an air-conditioned ship with wireless internet so there's not too much of everyday African living that I get to experience). I am the same person. I still have the same struggles trying to find my purpose here. No superhuman powers turned me into an extraordinary person when I stepped off the plane. I walked off of the plane in faith that this is where Christ has brought me.

What about the people that walk into work every day with the same amount of faith as it took for me to get off the plane and go through customs in a new land? What about the people that spend their free time with foster children and volunteering in health clinics and teaching children how to read? Being nice to someone that probably doesn't deserve it in our eyes? Waiting another 30 seconds to hold the door open for someone when they could have easily acted like they didn't see them behind them? Showing a refugee that has come to a safe place from their war torn country how to find a job, open a checking account, go to the doctor, buy groceries and get around town?

These are missionaries, too.

Ward church service

This morning I woke up with one thing on my agenda: church service on the ward. I've been so tired from the time change and overwhelming feeling of change that I didn't know what to expect or what would be expected of me. We made our way to the ward just down the hall and on the same deck that I stay where there were maybe 10 patients and more volunteers. The drums and clapping started along with the singing to This Is the Day the Lord Has Made except I didn't realize it for a minute because it was in Fon as far as I could tell.

There was a particular patient that brought me pretty close to tears. She was singing so joyfully. I met her in the hall the night before when she was walking up and down the hall. We may not have walked down the hall towards her direction, which was the opposite ways of the rooms, if it hadn't been for her son who was running down the hall screaming at the top of his lungs while throwing his arms in the air. He ran straight to me. He couldn't understand what we were saying and his mom was just smiling and laughing. We walked along with her and would chase him down the hall to retrieve him. I ran back with him stopping only to swing his legs between mine. I was able to use the extra bit of French I learned on the plane from my seat mate when he was discussing the Jamaican runner in the newspaper he was reading: tres rapide. I said this to the mom and she just smiled and laughed.

At church I was watching her rejoice while the nurse next to me held her son as he clapped to the music. He soon fell asleep even with all the commotion going on. It was a beautiful experience.

I'm here

Right now I'm just hanging out in one of the areas on the ship where people play games, read, watch TV, and get on the internet. The boat has a constant rock from side to side that when I first got here made me feel like I was going to fall out of my chair from lack of sleep. I thought my body was just giving out on me. We are docked at a port that has ships coming and going all the time. Large trucks go past our spot to get to the ship docked behind us that seems to be just full of rocks they are using to make roads. There are so many nationalities here: Australian, South African, British, United States, Canadian, Polish, German. I don't really know how to tell how it is here yet because I just got here the other night and haven't been much like myself because I'm so tired. I start work tomorrow morning so I will know better when I get into a routine. I had to change rooms this afternoon so it feels better being unpacked and knowing where my things are. Right now I'm in a room with all OR nurses, but people are constantly coming and going so I'm not sure how long it will be that way. I'm really looking forward to starting work so I can meet people and get back to work. Here are some pictures for now.

First impressions

When we arrived in Cotonou, I met someone that was heading to the ship that teamed up with me to get through customs. It wasn't the hardest task because some people were walking back and forth between the customs booth and the baggage claim. There were people just inside the door from the terminal that had signs held up for rides. The belt at the baggage claim was completely packed with people stacked on top of on another with their brightly colored fabric wrapped around them. We had to become more aggressive to get towards the front of the belt to catch our luggage before we had to wait for the next cycle. After getting our bags we fought our way back through the crowd to find who was taking us to the ship. We found our group that started to gather. There were people from Australia, the UK, the states and Poland there. After we had everyone we attempted to take our things out to the car. I almost immediately got hit by a motorcycle after walking out the door. We make it to the car and then a man walks up serenading us with his guitar and the song he is making up on the spot about Mercy Ships. It took us about 30 minutes just to make it out of the parking lot. It's free for all driving here. There were people trying to sell us Michael Jackson CD's and other things while we were waiting in line to leave the parking lot. Driving down the streets there were people hanging out in the street everywhere... lying down, sitting on the paved median waving at people. Motorcycles everywhere. We finally arrived to the port just passed the people selling from their stands by candlelight and squeezed through the line of trucks that were heading in to get more loads from the ships in port. We turned a corner and there it was. This ship that I've been waiting to come to work in. And then I almost cried.

Sinking in

About 22 hours into travel and only 3 hours of sleep after I finally left home, I was finally struck with the fact that I'll really be doing this. It was somewhere over the Sahara Desert when my seat mate, a Beninese pilot, and I started to combine our trays so that he could somehow squeeze out to the aisle to use the restroom. After he got up I lifted up the arm rest to see the landscape of this continent I have never seen before, and then it hit me. I am on a plane full of people who mostly speak French which adds to the excitement. I have spent time trying to learn about this country, their language, religion and culture and here I am sitting on a plane with them. It's the most amazing thing.

I've been trying my French in my head and trying to listen to them. I try when I can to communicate in the little French I know, but it seems to disappear from my memory when I'm on the spot. I did pick a little up on the flight: tres rapide.

My thanks

So I'm leaving today. I still can't believe that this is all happening and that I'll be getting on a plane in a few hours. I am so grateful to everyone who has been an encouragement to me through this process and prayed for me because it has sustained me through the fiery trials that come along with walking in Christ. He has protected me and continued to be faithful throughout. I trust that He will continue to use me so that His kingdom will advance all for His glory. I am grateful that He has given me some insight into the meaning behind some of the trials that I faced while preparing to leave. He really does know what He is doing and is working out things for the good of all. It's just that the growing pains hurt but it is all well worth the end result. I am full of joy that I get to go serve Him in this way. Thank you all for your financial support as well. We are all working together through prayer, sending out and going to show His love and mercy so that every tribe, tongue and nation can hear of His name. Now I am to leave my family and friends in His hands and walk in the plan that He has for me. I am unsure of what it looks like down this road but I know it's the safest and only place that I ever want to be.

Thank you guys so much again. I love you all and will miss you all more than I really know how to say.

I'm going to Africa!!

Time

It's running out quickly here. Maybe I'm getting too sentimental. Maybe I'm right where I'm supposed to be emotionally.

Dad bought new batteries for the clock I had bought him when I went to London that has two faces on it. The time is now set to CST and GMT +1.

The Albert Pike

It has been a very long time since I've had to say bye to so many people. It's turning out to be harder than I expected. There are some things I want to say but don't entirely know where to find the words or how to get it out. I really love everyone so much, but how do you say it with words that penetrate so that they know. So often I throw around conversation just to fill in empty air space and it leaves me to feel like I've wasted time.

I have had time off from work to get things in order and also to spend time with folks. I forget how wrapped up in things I can get while life is passing me by. This week a friend and I randomly

stopped into an old hotel that has been turned into housing for the elderly and disabled to try to see its historic beauty. The lady did not seem too inviting at first until we asked if we could play the piano we saw in the window while driving by. Her eyes lit up and she claimed an even better prize of a piano on the second floor, a beautiful old baby grand whose bench had come up missing. We found a sort of fold out table minus the legs that we pulled up as the chair which made sitting to play a bit of a physical chore. After we finished up we went walking around on our own little tour and found some great treasures. After taking our time showing ourselves around we started to head out. We were asked to try out the other piano before we left to see how it worked in comparison to the one upstairs. Sure thing. Don't mind if I do! It turned out to be an hour long adventure that is one of those things that you cannot plan out and would never experience if you didn't just stop to ask. It was such a good time.

Typical heart ramble

I still find myself jaded with so much these days. I keep hearing from everyone to enjoy this time of adventure before I get married. Does life really end when you get married and have children or is it just falling into the expectations of the world for what life should look like? I really don't know. All I really want out of this life is to be doing what the Lord wants wherever that is.

Wherever.

I understand things will change, but I also think it has a lot to do with how much of ourselves we're willing to let go of.

It's getting hard to say bye to everyone, but if I'm where the Lord needs me, then that's the safest place I can ever imagine being. I tend to think that the craziest it sounds to me the more from God it must be because it's hard to comprehend things from God. They don't make sense to us because we can't rationalize how it could possibly work out.

And then it does.

Who gets the credit? Well, it sure wasn't me! I guess all I really want to say is that I think it's easy for us to sell ourselves short. When we put ourselves in a box how can we imagine more for ourselves? Take off the chains of bondage and the box away and the world looks different. Nothing is impossible. Is it out of my comfort zone? Most definitely so. I want to live life though.

I want to be just like You. I want to be free on my inside and prefer to raise others up above myself. Br. Danielson