Immobile-temporarily

I have been without a car for five days now.

I just said maybe three days before the official break down how I hope the ol' Cooper can hold out until the end of August.  Coincidence?  Probably not.  This has put me in a position of truly having to go with the flow.  I, now, have to rely on other people to schlep (I knew crossword puzzles could teach some fun new words!) me about town whenever they have the time.  It's comforting to note that I have had available to me no more and no less than I have needed.  

I have found freedom in this.  From the beginning of this extravaganza I decided not to get worried about the details of how to get here or there.  It's more fun that way.  I'd rather enjoy watching how the Lord is providing than to fret over how I'll get to or from work or the grocery store.   I do appreciate the folks helping me out...especially Megan who woke up at the crack of 8:30 this morning to run me around!

We're going places

I just put into my handy-dandy countdown widget my expected date for departure to Benin.

248 days remaining.  Seems like a lot.  

The fact that I'll be leaving at all hit me with a reality check Friday as Jennifer said her goodbyes to everyone at work.  I had gotten to the point at work where I completely hated it.  After much prayer and seeking God's will I have received a new heart and outlook on the whole thing.  He's given me a purpose where I am now.  Nothing we do in this life goes into an abyss of no reason.  There really is a point to it all.  Everything.  "We live every day as our last," says Bro. Danielson.  I want to live my life like this.  No games and complete genuine love for the people I know (though I'm not good at it on my own).  We're all in this together.

Lord, continue to prepare me for this beautiful adventure You are allowing me to experience.  This life.

Rationale?

for God is not a God of confusion but of peace...

Why am I so confused?  So many things don't make sense right now.  I go through these waves where every moment is an  ah ha moment but then back to a confused state.

Mother Theresa said, "If things happen it's because the Lord wants them to happen.  If they don't that means He doesn't.  It's so simple."

Why do I make it complex? and what's the line between healthy waiting and action?  The only thing I really do know is that I can rest in knowing God's timing is always perfect.  His sovereignty is perfect (even when I get in the way).  He hasn't let me down yet, and for that I'm grateful.

White flag

"Jesus said to him, 'If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come follow Me.'"  Matthew 19.21

I wonder what life would be like if, after Jesus Himself commanded me to do this, I listened.  He's saying give everything that you have, everything you own.  Give it to the poor.  

And what next?  Follow Him.  That's it.

That's it!

No baggage.  "Jesus said to them, 'with people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.'" (v. 26)  It doesn't make sense to us as humans who look to tangible things that we can rely on as our comfort/support.  God promises us something big though.  ALL things are possible with Him.  His ways are higher than ours ( Isaiah 55.9)  I find great comfort in that knowing that I don't have the best track record in knowing what is best for me.

If I want to be complete, he says that is in Him.  In this journey with Him.

"For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel's will save it.  For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his soul?"   Mark 8.35-36

What is this life about if not about Christ?

Vulnerable

I'm feeling a bit vulnerable right now.  I'm not going to lie.  God chooses to reveal Himself at given times that over time might make more sense to me.  In the moments that He hides are the ones that leave me a little off; when things don't make sense and are hard.

I have desires in this world.  Somewhat reasonable too, maybe.  I want to be safe, live comfortably, want to be loved and even liked.  I find time and time again, though, that when I look to the world to fulfill these things that time and time again I will be let down.    Since I found out I will be able to go to Africa next August, I don't know if I can explain the things that have been happening.  I've realized that some people won't get it.  I want to sell all my things and move tomorrow, but they don't see why.  I've prayed for Christ's heart and this is one thing that has really burdened me.  I can't not go (double neg., I know!).  I don't know the details on how this will all work out, and honestly, it scares me at times.  It is a God-given desire for me to want to go so there's no option to skip out on this one.

 

Why?

"For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another."

Galatians 5.13