Belt of Truth

The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the defense of my life; Whom shall I dread? When evildoers came upon me to devour my flesh, my adversaries and my enemies, they stumbled and fell. Though a host encamp against me, My heart will not fear; Though war arise against me, In spite of this I shall be confident.  One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall seek:

   That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,

   To behold the beauty of the Lord

   And to meditate in His temple.

For in the day of trouble He will conceal me in His tabernacle; in the secret place of His tent He will hide me; He will lift me up on a rock.  And now my head will be lifted up above my enemies around me, And I will offer in His tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the Lord.  Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice, and be gracious to me and answer me.  When You said, "Seek My face," my heart said to You, "Your face, O Lord, I shall seek." 

Psalm 27.1-8

Several weeks ago I, under my breath, asked God for unwavering faith in Him.  The kind that will sustain through all the storms and fire.  

I forget what it takes to get these sorts of things though.  

Ask and you shall receive.

It really was one of the most painful things I've been through in my Christian walk so far.  The devil had gone for my heart a couple of weeks ago, but this time he twisted the knife around and laughed in my face.  If only he knew how I had been made aware of his sneaky ways and was not surprised by it.  I'm so thankful for seeing the situation as it really was and not what it could have been perceived as.  

This all happened because I was supposed to speak at church last Sunday about my trip.  After I said I would, I immediately was under attack.  I geared up this time by asking other to pray  for me instead of trying to duke it out by myself.  The battle grew more intense until it just broke all out on Saturday.  I can't think of many times in my life that I have truly sobbed.  This was one though.  I was just so angry and hurt at how the devil fights dirty.  Very dirty.  God's grace was plenty in drawing me closer to Him though.  I was pretty broken on Sunday morning and I took my cross with me up on that stage and from my heart I confessed that I will continue to serve Him.  No one knew what I was going through, but for me, I was up there for God saying, "Despite all this brokeness and hurt I am in I will claim Your name as Holy and All in All, I trust You with every ounce of my being and I will follow You.  I am Yours."

He blessed me with so much encouragement following that.  Sitting in the service I sat in awe of how God works.  He confirmed that I am on the right track and what was so dear to my heart, what I have been learning from God and burdened by was being spoken to hundreds of people.  As much discouragement as I have received from people, the service meant so much and was a gift from God Himself.  I also met some really wonderful people afterwards that were very encouraging to me.  I have had so many more blessings since that I don't know where to start.  God has such intricate detail in weaving things together for His glory that never ceases to amaze me.  Oh I wish I could tell you how good and faithful He is.  It's so much more than words can communicate.  He has brought such joy to my heart.

Give, and it will be given to you.  They will pour into your lap a good measure--pressed down, shaken together, and running over.  For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return. 

Luke 6.38

Romans 8

18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us...

35 Who will separate us from the love of Christ?  Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?  Just as it is written, "For your sake we are being put to death all day long; we were considered as sheep to be slaughtered."  But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Amen.

Plane Ticket: check

So it's official, according to D.  I have a plane ticket so it means that I am really going. 

84 days.

The date moved up from late August to mid July because of the shortage of OR nurses on board the ship.  It has been the biggest blessing to be able to go early because quite frankly I don't want to wait that long!  Mercy Ships is also helping out with some of the finances if I need it which takes the pressure off, but I am still going ahead with fundraising because I feel that's what I need to do.  What a journey this has been already.  It's been amazing to see God work through this whole preparation process.  Things usually turn out way beyond anything I could ever dream up, and this has been the case for going to Benin.

Ninja Path

I'm always curious about God's plan for me in this life.  Like the things He has put on my heart, my desires, things I want to leave behind.  I want my life to look different than the avid Sunday church-goers.

Jesus' life looked different.

I'm also scared of what this might bring.  I know the material things of this world can be destroyed by moths yet I find some things sentimental.  I also think I really need some things just to make my life easier.  Some people don't have life's luxuries though.  Sometimes I'd like to be a nomad.  Just here, there, everywhere without being tied down.  The problem is that I am tied down.  I bought a house and have student loans.  I think it'd be nice to not have these burdens yet even without the two I'm still left with a bunch of stuff.  Where does it all go?  Where do I go?  I'm a big fan of comfort, but I don't want to waste my life away hearing of other people's stories wishing I'd stepped out.

Lord, I need your guidance on where to go, how to get there and who I am.  I'll keep walking but make Your path clear.  Help keep my eyes on You and to not be distracted.  It's so easy for me to do.  I can't do any of this without You.

He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.  - Jim Elliot

Plain Jane

I'm terrified that my life will be a typical story.  I want so bad for God to do great things through me. 

I don't think I've been doing my part though.

I feel sometimes that there's a fine line between legalism and discipline.  I'm also finding that either side of any fine line that can be drawn in life, it's wrong.  Christ is the fine line.  He resolves all the issues.

My heart hurts right now for the people that don't know God, and I'm not sure which makes it worse:  the ones that know of Him and claim Him but have no relationship with Him or the ones that have never heard this sweet saving name of salvation.

My heart is in Africa.  It has been really hard dealing with negative feedback on going.  I wish they could see the point.  I really should expect the rejection more, but it continues to surprise me.  I feel like a regular ol' person.  I have no great talent or boldness that has been achieved on my own.

Screening day!

I'm not there yet to be a part of this, but I'm so looking forward to it! 187 days until I get on a plane to head out!

She sells sea shells

At Perspectives the other night the speaker read a response that a man named John G. Paton had to the statement that he'd be eaten by cannibals if he were to go overseas and serve as a missionary:

Upon hearing Paton's intention to go, a Mr Dickson exploded, "The cannibals! You will be eaten by cannibals!" To this Paton responded, "Mr Dickson, you are advanced in years now, and your own prospect is soon to be laid in the grave, there to be eaten by worms; I confess to you, that if I can but live and die serving and honoring the Lord Jesus, it will make no difference to me whether I am eaten by cannibals or by worms; and in the Great Day my Resurrection body will rise as fair as yours in the likeness of our risen Redeemer."

And also this from John Piper's book Don't Waste Your Life:

I will tell you what a tragedy is.  I will show you how to waste your life.  Consider this story from the February 1998 Reader's Digest:  A couple took early retirement from their jobs in the Northeast five years ago when he was 59 and she was 51.  Now they live in Punta Gorda, Florida, where they cruise on their 30-foot trawler, play softball and collect shells... Picture them before Christ at the great day of judgment:  Look, Lord!  See my shells!  That is a tragedy.

God created us to live with a single passion:  to joyfully display his supreme excellence in all the spheres of live.  The wasted life is the life without this passion.  God calls us to pray and think and dream and plan and work not to be made much of, but to make much of him in every part of our lives.

Even though I continue to fall short, I know that I ultimately want this life to not be about me.  There's a bigger picture out there that we can see if we stop and take a look around.  When I stop and ask to see things as they are and not in attempt to gain something for myself or not lose something I don't want to let go of it's like taking off a pair of glasses that have been distorting your view of everything.  You get used to having the glasses on in the day to day and then forget that there's a clearer picture with the glasses off.

The eye is the lamp of the body; so then if your eye is clear, your whole body will be full of light.  But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness.  Matthew 6.22,23