Pre-departure packing: rough draft

It seems that my wish list of things that I would like to have on the ship far exceeds reality. I have a rough draft of what clothes I would like to have while in Benin separated in my closet so I can keep up with them.

It's narrowed down to half the closet.

Half the closet!

A tad unreasonable, I think, but this has me more excited about going! It's hard for me to know what is worth bringing because I'm picky versus it being worth lugging it to the other side of the world. Some stuff I just need to get over but others I've grown quite fond of. I don't think any of it really matters, though, in the grand schemes of things as long as I just get there.

Final stretch

Just a quick update.

I leave in 18 days. Wow! This is all really happening. Friday was my last day of work which put a new level of reality on this trip that has taken months to prepare to go on. It seemed that it was pretty easy to say that I'm pretty much quitting my job, but to walk out of work on my last day was big for me. Instead of just talking the talk, now I'm walking it. It's more exciting than scary. For now. We'll see in the near future if it seems scary. I think I'm expecting it because most people ask if I'm scared. The fact that I'm not isn't by any crazy courage I have acquired on my own. The preparation process for the trip has not only been filling out forms and getting shots but lots of spiritual trials that have been pretty intense for me. Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. James 1.2-6 The bible never ceases to amaze me with how much can be packed into just a few sentences. The trials we encounter are to make us grow to a deeper, stronger level of finding ourselves in Christ alone.

I guess this is all really for now. I have to finish up with the unexpected bathroom remodel (/thorn in my flesh) and take care of some errands before I leave.

First things first

44 days and counting until I leave!!  On one hand I can't wait, but on the other I can see the time I have to spend with people before I'm gone for a while is slipping away.  I only actually have about 4 weeks or so left in Arkansas.  So much to do!

I got 3 of my shots for the trip and my prescription for malaria meds last week.  Only semi-painful really... mostly when Tony at work would punch me in the arm.  Well, he didn't really do that, but it felt like it!

I have:

• 3-ish weeks left of work.  
  
• 3 more call shifts (one of which is tonight)
  
• 2 weeks until I go see Josie!
  
• at least 2 more shots to get

I still can't believe this is all happening!

Belt of Truth

The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the defense of my life; Whom shall I dread? When evildoers came upon me to devour my flesh, my adversaries and my enemies, they stumbled and fell. Though a host encamp against me, My heart will not fear; Though war arise against me, In spite of this I shall be confident.  One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall seek:

   That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,

   To behold the beauty of the Lord

   And to meditate in His temple.

For in the day of trouble He will conceal me in His tabernacle; in the secret place of His tent He will hide me; He will lift me up on a rock.  And now my head will be lifted up above my enemies around me, And I will offer in His tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the Lord.  Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice, and be gracious to me and answer me.  When You said, "Seek My face," my heart said to You, "Your face, O Lord, I shall seek." 

Psalm 27.1-8

Several weeks ago I, under my breath, asked God for unwavering faith in Him.  The kind that will sustain through all the storms and fire.  

I forget what it takes to get these sorts of things though.  

Ask and you shall receive.

It really was one of the most painful things I've been through in my Christian walk so far.  The devil had gone for my heart a couple of weeks ago, but this time he twisted the knife around and laughed in my face.  If only he knew how I had been made aware of his sneaky ways and was not surprised by it.  I'm so thankful for seeing the situation as it really was and not what it could have been perceived as.  

This all happened because I was supposed to speak at church last Sunday about my trip.  After I said I would, I immediately was under attack.  I geared up this time by asking other to pray  for me instead of trying to duke it out by myself.  The battle grew more intense until it just broke all out on Saturday.  I can't think of many times in my life that I have truly sobbed.  This was one though.  I was just so angry and hurt at how the devil fights dirty.  Very dirty.  God's grace was plenty in drawing me closer to Him though.  I was pretty broken on Sunday morning and I took my cross with me up on that stage and from my heart I confessed that I will continue to serve Him.  No one knew what I was going through, but for me, I was up there for God saying, "Despite all this brokeness and hurt I am in I will claim Your name as Holy and All in All, I trust You with every ounce of my being and I will follow You.  I am Yours."

He blessed me with so much encouragement following that.  Sitting in the service I sat in awe of how God works.  He confirmed that I am on the right track and what was so dear to my heart, what I have been learning from God and burdened by was being spoken to hundreds of people.  As much discouragement as I have received from people, the service meant so much and was a gift from God Himself.  I also met some really wonderful people afterwards that were very encouraging to me.  I have had so many more blessings since that I don't know where to start.  God has such intricate detail in weaving things together for His glory that never ceases to amaze me.  Oh I wish I could tell you how good and faithful He is.  It's so much more than words can communicate.  He has brought such joy to my heart.

Give, and it will be given to you.  They will pour into your lap a good measure--pressed down, shaken together, and running over.  For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return. 

Luke 6.38

Romans 8

18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us...

35 Who will separate us from the love of Christ?  Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?  Just as it is written, "For your sake we are being put to death all day long; we were considered as sheep to be slaughtered."  But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Amen.

Plane Ticket: check

So it's official, according to D.  I have a plane ticket so it means that I am really going. 

84 days.

The date moved up from late August to mid July because of the shortage of OR nurses on board the ship.  It has been the biggest blessing to be able to go early because quite frankly I don't want to wait that long!  Mercy Ships is also helping out with some of the finances if I need it which takes the pressure off, but I am still going ahead with fundraising because I feel that's what I need to do.  What a journey this has been already.  It's been amazing to see God work through this whole preparation process.  Things usually turn out way beyond anything I could ever dream up, and this has been the case for going to Benin.

Ninja Path

I'm always curious about God's plan for me in this life.  Like the things He has put on my heart, my desires, things I want to leave behind.  I want my life to look different than the avid Sunday church-goers.

Jesus' life looked different.

I'm also scared of what this might bring.  I know the material things of this world can be destroyed by moths yet I find some things sentimental.  I also think I really need some things just to make my life easier.  Some people don't have life's luxuries though.  Sometimes I'd like to be a nomad.  Just here, there, everywhere without being tied down.  The problem is that I am tied down.  I bought a house and have student loans.  I think it'd be nice to not have these burdens yet even without the two I'm still left with a bunch of stuff.  Where does it all go?  Where do I go?  I'm a big fan of comfort, but I don't want to waste my life away hearing of other people's stories wishing I'd stepped out.

Lord, I need your guidance on where to go, how to get there and who I am.  I'll keep walking but make Your path clear.  Help keep my eyes on You and to not be distracted.  It's so easy for me to do.  I can't do any of this without You.

He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.  - Jim Elliot